If you’re wondering what the real pros and cons of being a working mom are, you’re in the right place. If you’re fortunate enough to have the choice to work or stay home with your kids, it’s smart to weigh your options carefully.

I have four kids and have worked ever since my first was born seven years ago. There are definite upsides—and challenges. Here’s my take on the pros and cons of being a working mom.

Pros and Cons of Being a Working Mom

Top Five Pros of Being a Working Mom

1. You get to have your own identity outside of being “mom.”

I find it nice to have a professional identity where I am building something, creating value, and using my talents in a way that feels meaningful. I went to school for a long time and worked hard to create a professional life for myself. Now that I have it, I don’t want to give it up.

I also find that I am setting an example for my kids by working hard at my career and showing them what is possible if they set goals and persevere.

2. You talk to other adults during the day.

While a day of checking emails and attending zoom meetings may not sound that glamorous, I find being able to converse with other adults during the day is a serious “pro” of working. It is nice to have conversations with adults, whether it is about work or just chatting.

My kids are wonderful, smart, creative creatures and I love talking to them. But the conversations I can have with other adults in the office are mentally refreshing and much needed.

3. You stay on your professional path.

If you keep your job, you will continue to accelerate in your career. There is no need to explain a career break or start over later. You will keep your skills fresh. You keep growing in your field and maintain momentum, which pays off in the long run.

One of my employees is a mom that came back after taking a break from working for several years. She had serious anxiety about coming back to work. She was worried about getting hired after such a long break and also about gaining her skills back. Fortunately, she is doing great, but the anxiety was real.

4. You make your own money.

Having your own income gives you freedom, confidence, and options—whether that means contributing to the household, investing in yourself, or treating your kids (or yourself) without feeling guilty. Sometimes I splurge on a new outfit, hair products that show up in my social media feeds, or uber eats on a day I don’t feel like making lunch.

My family and I are going to Disney not once but twice this year (pray for me!). That would not be possible without two incomes.

I also like that I am contributing to my own retirement, social security, and savings. This is empowering and freeing.

5. You may be a better mom in smaller doses.

This is probably my biggest pro of being a working mom. I think working makes me a better mom.

When you’re not with your kids 24/7, you might find yourself more present, more patient, and more grateful for the time you do have together.

When I spend all day with my kids, I get irritable. I like to have alone time (rare when the kids are home!). I like it when the house is quiet (again… very rare when the kids are home!). And I like it when the house is clean. (See above….). Seeing my kids in the mornings, evenings, and weekends allows me to give them my best.

I can still make my own money, build my own professional identity, and create value outside of the home. This energizes me and allows me to put my best foot forward as a mom.

Top Five Cons of Being a Working Mom

1. It can feel like someone else is raising your kids.

Whether it’s daycare, a nanny, or family help—sometimes it stings that someone else is with your kids more hours of the day than you are. In my case, our nanny is amazing—she’s patient, energetic, and honestly more fun than I am. But still, I sometimes feel like I’m missing something. I remind myself I’m still raising them—just with a team.

2. You miss things—and the guilt is real.

I’ve missed class parties, field trips, and milestones (yes, even first steps). It hurts. There’s a constant balancing act between showing up for your kids and staying accountable at work—and guilt tends to creep in either way.

I often feel guilty when I am at work for missing an event with the kids. And I feel guilty when I am with the kids for not putting in the hours at work.

By choosing to work and raise kids, it is a delicate balance between being there for your kids and maintaining your work responsibilities.

3. You’re constantly tired—but in a different way.

I find it more physically exhausting to be home with my kids all day—I am running around, serving them whatever snack or beverage they request next, and trying to keep the place somewhat clean. (I often find myself happy to be sitting at my computer on Monday morning!)

However, I find that one of the cons of being a working mom is that I am often mentally exhausted. When you work, you not only have to manage all your work tasks, but also keep track of the kids’ activities, and care for the home. The invisible burden is still very much there.

This is one of the pros and cons of being a working mom – you are not as physically tired, but you are mentally exhausted!

4. It can be surprisingly expensive.

I spend a small fortune for my wonderful nanny! However, it is not just the nanny expenses. We need backup help when she is not available. (Unfortunately, she occasionally takes vacation and sometimes gets sick!) We also sometimes get on-the-go meals because there is no time to cook while we are working. We pay to have someone to help clean and organize our home because of our numerous other responsibilities.

All of these costs add up to be quite a lot. It is not surprising to me that when some moms do the math, they just do not see the point of working if their primary goal is to contribute financially to the household.

5. You rarely feel like you’re doing enough in either role.

You’re giving a lot at work and a lot at home, and it’s easy to feel like you’re falling short in both. This is a common feeling I have and a common complaint I hear.

I will often feel guilty when I am at a school event and find myself checking emails. Or I am at work, wishing that I had participated in a school event. When I log off at 5:30 PM, I sometimes feel like I shortchanged both my job and my kids.

The thought that you are “never doing enough” can be a challenging one to let go of, even when you know logically that it is not true.